handwritings, two

you really must click on it to view.

would you

think me a sell out if i
began to clutter my
w h o a , j a m i e
with adverts?

hard work.

i have many jobs now.
which is good.
because,
i've been looking for
jobs, many
jobs.
recession
just makes things,
terrible.

i forsee being
very tired soon.
very very tired.

but one day,
i will put bread on
the table, with
poetry and acting
or with journalism
and theatre-making.

for now, we work
hard.
and we live on the
gracious back of
brothers.

the kitchen boy

helped me find these little squares.
i rather like this one.
and the rest are
here.

get fierce!

if i haven't mentioned it already.
e v i l m o n i to
is an online mag that you should
r e a l l y
check out. its right here.

new york love

my timecard.

some, people don't
have to
do much.
some, people have
to do much.
i am the latter.

there's one in all of us...

march 24th 2009

a kiss. a year ago.
and that was special.
and that is special.
it is a beautiful day.
its a good day sunshine day.
and i totally am lying beneath a shady tree.
and i totally do love him.

and really good, this
is an amy lynne garner day.
i'm going to toucher nose
and probably yell because,
i am happy and
i have missed her.

dahnse.

to do list.

-briery creek
-button regalia
-be lionhearted
-pomona thing
& serving drinks
-scan
-42nd street
-stumble upon rent
-a miracle
-love

amy lynne garner day.

good day sunshine.

my hope

rests in that i know, life will be beautiful again.
it always happens that way. always.

humanity i love you

meek; afraid; not brave enough to ask for anything.
overwhelming it is to be on earth and doing things.
humanity, i love you, e.e. said and i, too.
help me to cry when i need to,
smile when i have to,
do nothing when i must.

i am not good.
at saying.
things.

i am very sad about this.

and sometimes i think about the
song, don't let me down, and he sings it.
it's been too long since i heard the girlfriend tune.




and she said, "well that's good, right?"
"yeah" i said.
"at least it's better than nothing."
"yeah" i said.

song

i'm just a little person

shady

all the wonders of the world. adventure; places, behold. me. hold me. it's a jump & a run or a halt & a stop. come hither. you from the past. old body new. & new form. the grayish. is not. it is. come stand old tree. do you exist? did you ever.. lay on my grass for while, for old. times. sake.

i rather like this these

thursdays

impossible germany
gorgeous and alone
FACE to FACE
debaucherie. we.

spins, the good kind.
dances. oui.
& drunk texting to friends missed.
ouayyyyyy
& guitar solo.
& do you have that feeling?
i'm obsessed with my friends.
& i feel loved or desired.
no not desired. teased.
or not tease.
fuck.

we're sitting
i've lost my journal! Fuck.
his hairs cut oui.
i'm writing on scraps. how we
live
no. and things are looking up.
i really hope things
are looking up.

i want him, sex or
things. like.
music & lester bangs.

& in formation & lou reed & loux
( the future ) oh it can
wait.
golden gray. gold & grey.
ricochet ouaaaaay.
long ago i had a family.
i have a family. HOME.
it is here. & it is there SKYYEEE.

a rant, a scrambling, a hurry
oh, scribble! tell me, papa
tell me now!!!


- (dp, taylor)

group project: it's good to keep lists..

of our obsessions...can't keep away from..

edith piaf, grad school,

slouchy pants, 8mm film, rce rough cuts

sam amidon, synonym.com

black legwarmers,
mleczarnia,

beirut, sarcasm, fringe, and overthinking

joshuaradin's sometimes, trivia
games

eight second reverb tails, the desert

eecummings

cjane enjoy it, warm light, canada,

library, traveling neighborhood,

mochi,recycling,reading
writing

pleonastic

elle se sent

laide et pas désiré

march ninth -

my head hurts, extremely
and i love the way his fabric smells on me
i have to squeeze my eyes to let the pain out
i must get caffeine before the sun goes down, o
soft flannel, i , am, o , i am, waiting

we

were talking, your head was on my lap. do you remember that kyle at the bungalow, asking us, "are you falling in love?" "no," we said.

the center

it is funny. or strange.
how my life
(increasingly)
centers around music.

it is the center.
new ideas, listening.
and now, writing about (for me).
critical of & our.
discussions.
sounds. melody.
this is. can. what.

becomes your life.
changes.
the ebbe & flowe of.

finding yourself on new
bricks. and new men.

i jump railyards to.
somewhere new & it
takes me to.

running. sailing. railing.
like jack i hope.
evolution.
to new sounds.
nostalgia hopes of future.
come forever.
& it's music that.
center is.
our lives.

it always was.
it always was.

but i'm not dead!

some good news! i've just been made a writer at evil monito, an online magazine as a music writer, reviewing albums and live shows. they are based out of echo park, write mostly about art, music and culture and are dedicated to intelligent writing. i'm very excited about this. so please! check out their website, read some articles, and look for an album review soon of brother's better days. it should be up in the next week or so.

though i've been plagued with womanly illness (see earlier posts), i still managed to have a good day. what with new developments from my editor-in-chief that continue to encourage me. but also, as i was working today, found out we had a celebrity visiting us for the play this evening. eric idle of monty python came right up to my table in the courtyard to pick up his will call tickets. he leaned over, opened his mouth to give me his name and before he said anything, i had his tickets in hand, outstretched and i smiled up at him, silently. and that was our first interaction. at intermission, i invited him to the donor lounge for complimentary wine, etc "well for fuck's sake!" he exclaimed.

to spread icing on the night, i saw an incredible red headed mullet. curly. on about a forty-year old man. this made me very happy.

it's good to have a march list.

> disneyland
> my bostonian
> the desert
> visions of drums
> amy lynne garner
> evil monito
> things are looking up

it's all happening, really.

so taylor hamlett has entered blogdom via mayday letters. and so has danielle middleton with yellow kites. i've been having the most incredible conversations with miss hannah elspeth recently. and we just come to the conclusion that we are overwhelmed by the presence of our friends, that we have to (as rachel might say) just lie back, close our eyes and absorb the wonder of it all. because everyone is doing such important things, that i'll look around and think "it's all happening."

i'm really sorry about this one.

good morning. can i admit something to you? girls, back me up on this. i'm having that extremely irrational, totally overwhelming, completely rootless enormous emotion overcome me and that attacks most women every twenty-eight days or so. it's 5:51 am and i'm watching the sky lighten out my window, i can't sleep. it's the anger and sadness that kicks my ass while i just lie here, and literally i kick my feet in a silent hissy fit of frustration. i hate being a woman some days.

it makes you do crazy things. not crazy good things. like crazy "giving women a bad wrap" kind of things. ideas will come in my head like it would be a good idea to text my boyfriend at six in the morning. no. wrong. always a bad idea. it even crossed my mind to call him. why? i don't know. just seemed like a good idea. but i reiterate, no. bad idea.

sure, i like being a girl. i can say it, i like wearing dresses. bows, curls, perfume. i like when shawn tells me i'm pretty. i like mascara, i like wine, i like the colour red. i like a lot of other things associated with being female.


but today, no. i hate being a woman. i despise it. i hate the stomach ache, the rootless emotion, the seclusion. and today i feel rejected and undesired. wonderful. love it.
no.

"i have seen the future, and it is good."

france can wait, darling

it's not tomorrow

we live like the sun won't rise.
and drink.
and laugh.

(the night,
drinks, music, music,
play it, play i t .
oh, talk to me.
hear me.
i loveyou.
our family, gallons of juices, gulping
and swinging.
sneak off to bedrooms
and laugh some more. more.

let's get you laid tonight.
oh, tonight).

you walk in.
and you.
and you.
and you're welcome
here. please come in.
have a cup of wine,
stay awhile.
please kiss me
please hear me

or we can just lie. on the couch.
we're all on the couch. dancing on tables,
dirty carpet.

eating , sipping , inhale and go outside.
gossip and be with friends

is it monday?

its not tomorrow

creation

creation stirs,
begs, births,
rips, reaches
for freedom,
to be free.
unleashed from
pencil, pen,
song, words,
colour, thread;
a heart so
longed to see
it's god mind
make something
out of nothing.

march first.

it's been hard to write lately. i'm working a lot. but i have a few things up my sleeve.

first, i am working on a little group project for blog world. we'll see what form it takes, it's still an ongoing process. i'm also hopefully going to do something with red balloons...but that's a whole big thing i won't talk about now.

i have a few new friends over there. so please, read, because everyone has something important to say.

i've been thinking about yale drama for some reason.

and listening to beirut and wanting some mexican french fusion country residence.

and thinking about june with great anticipation and excited but also wondering when the phase of life of moving every nine months will end.