because i am a goat

i want to walk in trees and say pretty things

with a curly haired dream. i want to take photos

of allie in paris and pictures of sidewalk cracks too.

i want to hop on a train to dijon. i want to speak

different languages and lay my body down on the

floor. i want to practice pronunciation and rolling

my r's. i want to part my hair in a different place.

i want to be on the top of a mountain because i am

a goat. i want to see in black and white and hear

stories from an old woman. i want to collect jewels

for my fingers and braids for my hair. i want to blink

almond eyes and see my love come to visit me. i want

to dance with wild abandon. laugh hysterically. wear

paint on my sun-tanned shoulders, and on my fingernails.

i want to buy a one-way ticket. i want to buy school supplies

and i want to go to school. i want to get a tattoo with my

best friends. i want to drink wine in napa. i want to make

little movies and just smile. i want a song named after me

and a poem named after you. i want to meet you in italy.

i want gelato right now. i want to feel the crackling wood

boards of a stage under my hands and my feet. i want to

feel the lights on me. i want to dip my feet in the backyard

pool. i want to listen to music with dad. i want to see my

nephew discover something new. i want to kiss. i want you

to hold me in the night. and in the morning too. and in the

morning too, i want you.

on the road

headin' north,

as usual.

i'm always headin'

north.

back to my home,

for some peace of

mind and i'm

prayin' and

hopin'

that peace will

surely come.

skip to my loux

i know why

she tells me she's been craving

maya and singing i know why

the caged bird sings

in a pretty cadence

like a flute in a song

and out all night

dancing the

samba

shoulders shaking

and sweating

and breathing

and a quarter

turn on the ball

of her pretty foot

lemonade on the empty half

of the room where i sleep

tonight, rubbing my

eyes, wishing i didn't

have to wake up

so early

wishing

i wasn't such a burden

on the people who

host me and

thinking,

thanks

goin' north, to my

childhood home

with three hopeful

thoughts and

singing

i know why the

caged bird sings

two weeks

& transfer

& forms

& trois

& chad

& heat

& thespian

& norway

& dad

and time yet for a hundred indecisions

and indeed there will be time
for the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
there will be time, there will be time
to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
there will be time to murder and create,
and time for all the works and days of hands
that lift and drop a question on your plate;
time for you and time for me,
and time yet for a hundred indecisions,
and for a hundred visions and revisions,
before the taking of a toast and tea.

-t.s.eliot, from the love song of j.alfred prufrock

the breezes have been coming

pictures of poppies

the alone feeling

of being on the floor

of a dark night

in the middle of

the sidewalk

finger figures in

gravel dirt

of wrinkles on

knuckles as you

type

of an exhale

of eyelashes

looking up

of a lip being bit

like shutting a

screen door

of the vcr light

in the middle of

the night

a glass of water

left for days

the silent choice

of each's numbness

a hanky tucked

in pocket

cheeks that rest

lightly in small

comforts

like sandalwood

and remembered

pillows and a teddy

bear

and a song by

george harrison

and a book sent in

the mail by dad

of tomato soup and

the coming of autumn

the breezes have

been coming

by ben potter & drew barefoot

Wedding Preview: Noah and Rachael 8.14.10 from Ben Potter & Drew Barefoot on Vimeo.

my dear friends.

it's good to keep lists

*hand me downs

*baby's breath

*margin release

*alderson studio

*sixteenth

*las vegas

*I138

magnolia

every year i anxiously await

the arrival of blooming magnolias

on the trees of the suburbs.

i'm not sure i could even say

exactly when they bloom.

but when they come, they come.

and when they're not around,

i think, aw i hope the magnolias

bloom soon. i'll feel better then.

i told him once that when i

die, i want them to plant a

magnolia tree for me. sometimes,

i imagine something more

grandiose, like a sapling that

grows into a giant oak, steady

and strong, planted on the expansive

land that i raised my children on.

but i think, i'd rather have an

elegant magnolia with a more

medium sized abdomen and arms,

being sort of normal and also

beautiful and understated.

most likely planted in some

forgotten place where travelers

will wander and eat picnics

beneath her. and where my

friends will wonder when the

magnolias will bloom, we wished

the magnolias would bloom.

everything would be better then.

these are some of my friends

today will be the lunghi-hershman wedding. and i will be there.

san diego checklist

* yellow gingham dress

* waterproof mascara

* "a proposal" by bethany

* dancin' shoes

* my blue suitcase

* world travelin' man

* beach towel

* cunning

moonshadow

i was dancin' since i was eight

"the one thing that we yearn for in our living days, that makes us sigh and groan and undergo sweet nauseas of all kinds, is the remembrance of some lost bliss that was probably experienced in the womb and can only be reproduced (though we hate to admit it) in death."

-jack kerouac, on the road

how to be alone

rapidly holding

heaven, lord

is it a place?

that one can imagine?

no. possibly, at least

not me.

globes and fingers

predict futures

and funnies.

lips, cripes,

elephant pipes

and a happily

sidewalk.

moving fast

and

rapidly, hold

-ing.

i held a preface

for you.

and wait.

on the telephone,

i was put on hold.

told to wait.

i'm endlessly

twirling my hair

and instead

not doing.

i'm trying

to remember.

brass in pocket

nothing at all

i've been putting all my stuff in boxes...again.

i haven't left the phase of life where moving

every 6 - 12 months is normal.

i like that.

even though moving is something i hate.

i love that i am still in this phase.

always moving.

even if it is only to somewhere nearby.

i learn so much by changing towns.

i learn what i am capable of.

and i think,

i am capable of much.

i have been relying on the hospitality of

others, which i love. because

hospitality is so so important.

sometimes i offer it.

sometimes i use it.

in the next few days i will use shawn's

parents washer and dryer to do

some laundry.

to wash clothes i haven't washed in

over a month.

i've been wearing dirty clothes to

work. and everywhere i go.

its only a slight discomfort.

i haven't had any caffeine today,

and i am proud of that.

i also don't smoke cigarettes anymore,

i am also proud of that.

i am learning from all my reading lately.

i am learning about hard work.

i am also learning about doing nothing.

enjoyment.

not entertainment, but

enjoyment. and not feeling guilty

when i enjoy a day off.

i guess, in the past, i feel like i

don't deserve it. and maybe, i don't.

but there is nothing wrong in spending

your one day off reading, sipping lemonade,

talking to a friend and lying on the couch.

nothing wrong with that at all.

...sending postcards

my friend amy shared this blog with me and i just have to share it with all of you. the url is a fellow blogspot, http://sending-postcards.blogspot.com/ about a newlywed couple, alex and mina who sold their home and their belongings, got married and are taking a trip around the world while documenting everything. i got it this morning at 9:30 and have already wasted two hours looking at their photos from mexico, south africa, ecuador, united arab emirates and belgium.

my boyfriend shawn is in australia right now with his brother mark and dropping them off at the airport on monday (among other things) has gotten the travel bug in me again. (i don't know why i really say 'again.' the travel bug is sort of perpetually in me, making me forever unsatisfied). alas, the itch is getting so bad i've been signing up for free trip sweepstakes, checking kayak.com for the cheapest flight to europe for next summer and getting ready to apply to the university of oslo in norway where they have an ibsen studies master's program (scandinavian higher education is FREE, even for international students). i dream of what it would be like to travel with shawn, despite his picky food habits, i know it would be such an adventure and something we have been talking about since we met over two years ago.

i feel funny about this post since i'm not the typical blogger and usually throw poetry and quotes and lists and strange photos and mysterious things at you. the point is, sending postcards is a blog worth your time...in fact, too much time. if you're anything like me, you might spend all day rifling through their journey and then a few more hours researching flight routes and prices. the daydreaming just never stops. lately its been spain and cameroon, from my previous travels, that have been haunting me. egypt and italy and thailand are now calling my name and *sigh* i guess we'll just have to see where life takes me. or us.

timshel

"the king james translation makes a promise in 'thou shalt,' meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. but the hebrew word, the word timshel - 'thou mayest' - that gives a choice. it might be the most important word in the world. that says the way is open. that throws it right back on a man. for if 'thou mayest' - it is also true that 'thou mayest not.' don't you see?"

"my father said she was a strong woman, and i believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she has love in her heart. i guess a loving woman is almost indestructible."

-east of eden