april 20th

it is hot now, the days.
the crickets are in the sieves
making echoes.
bees and windchimes and things.
and it's like feeling
the end of the student year.
and i told myself i am not
expecting, but really i am.
or hoping, that is
just for a knock on
the door, pleasant!
or wonderfully!
but it's o.k. i am o.k.
with happy thoughts of
being in love
because of tomorrow.
oh, her tummy is growing large
with something inside.
will he be blonde or brunette? and,
will he be my favourite?
i think of these things.
outside. on the drive.
dirty feet and warm stars.
i'm trying to be a better
person, o.k.?
i am trying to be brave.
on pavement and canyons.
to not take pleasure in hatred.
to not take steps all over me.
i am going to be free.
i can cut my hair
and be alone
and let you know i am here.
and remember to shave
and smell nice.
and when it's time,
i will run and not walk.
and when it's time,
i will walk and not run.
and where there are swings.
we will swing.
and i will be a lion when i
live in the north.