the internet

i'm at work. inside a tiny room of cream walls and barred windows feeling something like a mexican prison and realize: i'm getting paid (modestly) to check my plethora of online communities and pursue other promising futures and paychecks by emailing music venues for my boyfriend's band, searching for local auditions and drafting an online resume of theatre works, frequently switching from tab to tab, gmail, facebook, the troubadour, backstage west, blogger, etc. all the while, praying i don't become wholly apathetic which is a legitimate fear, even at 22.

this isn't a new realization. it comes and goes here in the box office. between the bush-ly economy and overpriced mediocre theatre tickets, we just aren't selling, making it quiet around these parts. we're either diving for the phone when it actually rings, or getting irritated when there is finally something work-related to do since it is interrupting our precious facebook stalking time. "they broke up?"

anyway. what depresses me is exactly how much time i spend on the internet. i spend my entire work day at the computer. processing orders in provenue and flipping back to the internet in between calls and direct sales order sheets. on slow days, like today, i can spend quite a bit of solid time writing emails, updating blogs, watching monkey's blow their nose on youtube... just to drive home and open up my more comfortable mac and once again, login to facebook, check gmail, etcetera etcetera. i can usually justify it. i stay pretty productive on the internet doing things that are worthwhile or reading blogs of my favorite poet friends whom i believe are truly brilliant and far far smarter than me.

but somehow it still depresses me to think of how much time i waste (and a lot of other people too) on the internet. the other day, shawn played me a new song he just wrote, for the first time. and as he's playing i'm leaning over looking at who else just posted on my wall. seriously? whoa, jamie. not even giving him my full attention as he's sharing something new and personal. that's sad and really really gross.

you would assume that i would end this with a promise to not spend so much time on the internet. no such promise. i mean, i would like to but i'm just not into making promises i can only average about a week in keeping. maybe i will try harder, but i'm certainly not going to post here on the internet for people to read and keep me accountable that i promise to take more time smelling the flowers and reading out of real books or actually listening to my boyfriend. i don't really have any other points to wrap up with or a closing argument about any of this. i just thought i should write a post so that i didn't feel totally useless and unproductive between now and when my shift ends. so there you have it.