happy

every time i'm happy again i feel this sense of relief. and there's almost this subconscious belief in my head that finally. finally i'm happy, as if i reached it, and here i'll stay forever. but we're not promised happiness forever or for even an extended amount of time for any portion of our lives. and listening to a sad song reminds me of this. reminds me that i'll be there again. first i think, thank god. thank god i don't resonate with this right now, i just couldn't bear it. but then my second thought is, *sigh* just wait, because i'll be there again. not in a way that makes me depressed, just reminds me that nothing lasts and that i will have to ebb and flow with what i'm given. there are different attitudes with which to approach life and there are seasons of "this time it's different" but i never want to think that i've reached a point of perfection or plateau because even happiness becomes mundane. and even happiness can turn into a blind zen that eventually means nothing.

"happy? anybody can be happy. what purpose does that serve?" -bob dylan