economy plummets as does morale

a sudden motivation to research theatre jobs in europe. for some reason the cold rainy overcast weather makes me think of europe. and wet sidewalks too. always wet sidewalks.

i'm not making ends meet now, how could i possibly make ends meet over there? without direction, pursuing: nothing in particular. i'm barely making rent on my own now. the ever constant threat of moving home hanging in the air (ah! the horror!) $100/month on gas, $50-60/month on utilities in a house i'm never in because i'm working overtime in a mediocre minimum wage paying job. squeeze in money for a few groceries, although taco bell is faring over everything lately, it really is more cost efficient. i've also got about $2,000 i owe my parents. another $5,000 from the first time i went to europe. parking tickets, speeding tickets, and too much money wasted on cigarettes and wine to help get me through this difficult time. the list goes on concluding, of course, over $100,000 to the fool who let me go to apu and have the best time of my life. idiots.

i am literally dropping mere pennies in my pink piggy bank so that i might buy a plane ticket in hmmm, lets see...2018?

i'm currently in the midsts of my second (okay...sixth) failed attempt at living in europe. i'd settle for a visit at this point. please? anyone?

i'm texting shawn as i'm thinking this telling him i'm depressed that money equals freedom. and he says, "imagination equals freedom." and i suddenly feel impassioned to cry because of course i should've known better but i still feel trapped and bound and bitter because

$1700 would get me to paris by monday and $0 would not.