when he's not here

when he's not here
i curl up on the right
side a the bed stead a
the left in a c shape
soft music playin'
teddy bear comfyin'
hair sprawlin'
dark black eyelashes
guardin' my dreams
and erasing into
nothingness i'm
wonderin' - why is
danielle back in the
states? did he finish?
what does tomorrow smell
like? and oh i'd give
anything for a soft real
banjo to be playin' in
the other room. i'm
thinkin' my calf is sore.
i'm thinkin' i wish i
was in eureka. and then
i promised never to start
a sentence with i wish.
i'm thinkin' 'bout the dirty
dishes in the sink, his
copper voice, the long day,
what skin feels like.
when he's not here.
i'm thinkin' 'bout
unemployment checks, the
hopeless feeling and dinner
with friends, potatoes and
gravy and goin' home for
the holidays. when he's
not here i'm hopin' he's
thinkin' 'bout me like i
think about september and cities
like we think about next year.
curled up on the right side a
my bed, holdin' my sheets
whisperin' in my pillow
things i'd tell him if he
were here.