Tuesday, August 31, 2010

because i am a goat

i want to walk in trees and say pretty things
with a curly haired dream. i want to take photos
of allie in paris and pictures of sidewalk cracks too.
i want to hop on a train to dijon. i want to speak
different languages and lay my body down on the
floor. i want to practice pronunciation and rolling
my r's. i want to part my hair in a different place.
i want to be on the top of a mountain because i am
a goat. i want to see in black and white and hear
stories from an old woman. i want to collect jewels
for my fingers and braids for my hair. i want to blink
almond eyes and see my love come to visit me. i want
to dance with wild abandon. laugh hysterically. wear
paint on my sun-tanned shoulders, and on my fingernails.
i want to buy a one-way ticket. i want to buy school supplies
and i want to go to school. i want to get a tattoo with my
best friends. i want to drink wine in napa. i want to make
little movies and just smile. i want a song named after me
and a poem named after you. i want to meet you in italy.
i want gelato right now. i want to feel the crackling wood
boards of a stage under my hands and my feet. i want to
feel the lights on me. i want to dip my feet in the backyard
pool. i want to listen to music with dad. i want to see my
nephew discover something new. i want to kiss. i want you
to hold me in the night. and in the morning too. and in the
morning too, i want you.

Monday, August 30, 2010

on the road

headin' north,
as usual.
i'm always headin'
back to my home,
for some peace of
mind and i'm
prayin' and
that peace will
surely come.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

skip to my loux

i know why

she tells me she's been craving
maya and singing i know why
the caged bird sings
in a pretty cadence
like a flute in a song
and out all night
dancing the

shoulders shaking
and sweating
and breathing
and a quarter
turn on the ball
of her pretty foot

lemonade on the empty half
of the room where i sleep
tonight, rubbing my
eyes, wishing i didn't
have to wake up
so early
i wasn't such a burden
on the people who
host me and

goin' north, to my
childhood home
with three hopeful
thoughts and
i know why the
caged bird sings

two weeks

& transfer
& forms
& trois
& chad
& heat
& thespian
& norway
& dad

Friday, August 20, 2010

and time yet for a hundred indecisions

and indeed there will be time
for the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
there will be time, there will be time
to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
there will be time to murder and create,
and time for all the works and days of hands
that lift and drop a question on your plate;
time for you and time for me,
and time yet for a hundred indecisions,
and for a hundred visions and revisions,
before the taking of a toast and tea.

-t.s.eliot, from the love song of j.alfred prufrock

Thursday, August 19, 2010

the breezes have been coming

pictures of poppies
the alone feeling
of being on the floor
of a dark night
in the middle of
the sidewalk
finger figures in
gravel dirt
of wrinkles on
knuckles as you
of an exhale
of eyelashes
looking up
of a lip being bit
like shutting a
screen door
of the vcr light
in the middle of
the night
a glass of water
left for days
the silent choice
of each's numbness
a hanky tucked
in pocket
cheeks that rest
lightly in small
like sandalwood
and remembered
pillows and a teddy
and a song by
george harrison
and a book sent in
the mail by dad
of tomato soup and
the coming of autumn
the breezes have
been coming

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

by ben potter & drew barefoot

Wedding Preview: Noah and Rachael 8.14.10 from Ben Potter & Drew Barefoot on Vimeo.

my dear friends.

it's good to keep lists

*hand me downs
*baby's breath
*margin release
*alderson studio
*las vegas


every year i anxiously await
the arrival of blooming magnolias
on the trees of the suburbs.
i'm not sure i could even say
exactly when they bloom.
but when they come, they come.
and when they're not around,
i think, aw i hope the magnolias
bloom soon. i'll feel better then.
i told him once that when i
die, i want them to plant a
magnolia tree for me. sometimes,
i imagine something more
grandiose, like a sapling that
grows into a giant oak, steady
and strong, planted on the expansive
land that i raised my children on.
but i think, i'd rather have an
elegant magnolia with a more
medium sized abdomen and arms,
being sort of normal and also
beautiful and understated.
most likely planted in some
forgotten place where travelers
will wander and eat picnics
beneath her. and where my
friends will wonder when the
magnolias will bloom, we wished
the magnolias would bloom.
everything would be better then.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Friday, August 13, 2010

san diego checklist

* yellow gingham dress
* waterproof mascara
* "a proposal" by bethany
* dancin' shoes
* my blue suitcase
* world travelin' man
* beach towel
* cunning


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

i was dancin' since i was eight

"the one thing that we yearn for in our living days, that makes us sigh and groan and undergo sweet nauseas of all kinds, is the remembrance of some lost bliss that was probably experienced in the womb and can only be reproduced (though we hate to admit it) in death."

-jack kerouac, on the road

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

how to be alone

rapidly holding

heaven, lord
is it a place?
that one can imagine?
no. possibly, at least
not me.
globes and fingers
predict futures
and funnies.
lips, cripes,
elephant pipes
and a happily
moving fast
rapidly, hold
i held a preface
for you.
and wait.
on the telephone,
i was put on hold.
told to wait.
i'm endlessly
twirling my hair
and instead
not doing.
i'm trying
to remember.

brass in pocket

Sunday, August 8, 2010

nothing at all

i've been putting all my stuff in boxes...again.
i haven't left the phase of life where moving
every 6 - 12 months is normal.
i like that.
even though moving is something i hate.
i love that i am still in this phase.
always moving.
even if it is only to somewhere nearby.
i learn so much by changing towns.
i learn what i am capable of.
and i think,
i am capable of much.
i have been relying on the hospitality of
others, which i love. because
hospitality is so so important.
sometimes i offer it.
sometimes i use it.
in the next few days i will use shawn's
parents washer and dryer to do
some laundry.
to wash clothes i haven't washed in
over a month.
i've been wearing dirty clothes to
work. and everywhere i go.
its only a slight discomfort.
i haven't had any caffeine today,
and i am proud of that.
i also don't smoke cigarettes anymore,
i am also proud of that.
i am learning from all my reading lately.
i am learning about hard work.
i am also learning about doing nothing.
not entertainment, but
enjoyment. and not feeling guilty
when i enjoy a day off.
i guess, in the past, i feel like i
don't deserve it. and maybe, i don't.
but there is nothing wrong in spending
your one day off reading, sipping lemonade,
talking to a friend and lying on the couch.
nothing wrong with that at all.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

...sending postcards

my friend amy shared this blog with me and i just have to share it with all of you. the url is a fellow blogspot, http://sending-postcards.blogspot.com/ about a newlywed couple, alex and mina who sold their home and their belongings, got married and are taking a trip around the world while documenting everything. i got it this morning at 9:30 and have already wasted two hours looking at their photos from mexico, south africa, ecuador, united arab emirates and belgium.

my boyfriend shawn is in australia right now with his brother mark and dropping them off at the airport on monday (among other things) has gotten the travel bug in me again. (i don't know why i really say 'again.' the travel bug is sort of perpetually in me, making me forever unsatisfied). alas, the itch is getting so bad i've been signing up for free trip sweepstakes, checking kayak.com for the cheapest flight to europe for next summer and getting ready to apply to the university of oslo in norway where they have an ibsen studies master's program (scandinavian higher education is FREE, even for international students). i dream of what it would be like to travel with shawn, despite his picky food habits, i know it would be such an adventure and something we have been talking about since we met over two years ago.

i feel funny about this post since i'm not the typical blogger and usually throw poetry and quotes and lists and strange photos and mysterious things at you. the point is, sending postcards is a blog worth your time...in fact, too much time. if you're anything like me, you might spend all day rifling through their journey and then a few more hours researching flight routes and prices. the daydreaming just never stops. lately its been spain and cameroon, from my previous travels, that have been haunting me. egypt and italy and thailand are now calling my name and *sigh* i guess we'll just have to see where life takes me. or us.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


"the king james translation makes a promise in 'thou shalt,' meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. but the hebrew word, the word timshel - 'thou mayest' - that gives a choice. it might be the most important word in the world. that says the way is open. that throws it right back on a man. for if 'thou mayest' - it is also true that 'thou mayest not.' don't you see?"

"my father said she was a strong woman, and i believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she has love in her heart. i guess a loving woman is almost indestructible."

-east of eden