bedlamp

lying together,
breathing the same.
our chests rise and fall
the same.
rise and fall.
no, it's my back.
rise and fall.
for i lie on my stomach,
my arm across you in
an untangled form
of cuddle.
and in the air is,
i miss you,
even though i'm not
gone yet.
but you don't say
anything and neither
do i. just
touch foreheads,
rest, and
fall back to sleep.

june

beach hair with salt
and raggedy.
pictures drawn on wrists.
catching up on the day
out on the porch.
the work day.
philosophy and existensialism.
idea and wine glasses.
thinking about quotes
for to tattoo
and impermeate.
what means more to
you than anything?
we are agnostic; or
buddhist or
catholic?
we have chipped nail polish
and dirty feet.
texts books and laugh,
for to see.
unaware of the imminent
sun, we go.
sewing trinkets to
each other
and having music,
as the playwright
directs our character
which way to go and
how to say "this is
life, today."

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e.e. cummings

desole

my pen is out of ink.

wanderlust

and we'll just keep going on this way

aujourd'hui

saying i'm sorry is necessary and hard.
saying i forgive you is necessary and hard.

saying i love you is scary and beautiful.
changing is scary and beautiful.

love all.
be kind.
learn.

satori in paris

"my manners, abominable at times, can be sweet.
as i grew older i became a drunk. why? because i
like ecstasy of the mind. i'm a wretch. but i love, love."

oh, welcome home

full glass of bourbonwater

i'm getting into this scared, very frightened feeling.
and it is feeling afraid of myself and feeling sad and
confused. and i look down at my fingernails which
are pink and my hair that is cute and ready for work.

and it has nothing to do with me. i can feel the bottom-
side of my eyes burning and my jaw tightening and my
spine crunching. i'm afraid of things, i'm afraid of
slamming the door i'm afraid of steam out my ears.

and of course its all very confusing because i just want
life to be beautiful. and it is. and even today, maybe
the sun will still rise. and someone will say i love you
and someone will kiss my cheek and say it's o.k.

hi daddy

tucson, arizona

two kids. no where to go.
tucson, arizona.
scorched heat, sidewalks
and brick wall street
corners sitting.
afternoon beers, no AC,
lounge the day away
and wonder where all the
people are.
tucson is a town with a lot
of buildings i have no
business in, he says.
heart shaped sunglasses
and getting lost. indian
rings, dirty feet, parched
mouth, cathedral. churches,
banks, gyms.
but where are all the
people?
tucson is a dumb city
but now, i've been here.
and i prolly won't come
back. and that is o.k.
either way.

i don't

i feel like weeping, the urge
to write is not there.

and my head hurts tonight.
even though it was a good night.

i have pen but no paper.
i have words but no thoughts.
i have ideas but no motivation.
i have people but no passion.

by july seventh, i promise,
i will be overflowing.

but now, people either
overwhelm me or
give me nothing.

i can't read. i can't think.
all i can do is clock in and
do my work for paying bills
is the only thing i have.

and i am just sad that i won't
be here for lykke li.
but i will for bon iver.
and i am seeing grizzly bear
and wilco this week.

i have piles of clothes. and other
blogs. and text plans and driving
places and talking on the porch
and june gloom and learning
about my roommates.

and like mackenzie and i said,
i just don't want to be in a rut
anymore. ok?

monday list

; red journal (with lines)
; date with mack
; dreamers
; fame
; lightswitch
; arizona
; couch
; love and loving
; paris head scarf

lykke li et bon iver dans les rues

that is north.

_studying the avant garde and whistling in between steps of
the cities, okay now? i want to pick up many books and
there are many things to be done before i leave
(on a grande adventure) that is north.
i am always always going north. always. brecht and
the small, tiny person. a young girl. she has braids and she is
oh so very brave. (she doesn't even know it!) oh grande.

they are making a play on the river, okay? we shall go see it
together. before i leave (on a grande adventure) that is north.
and typefont printed on my body. over my heart. for i will be
lionhearted when i go to the north (on a grande adventure).

like a student i study. dramaturgy. and history. and speaking
on the breath. and my house is covered in owls and french lemonade.

janis joplin on the wall raises her bottle and i too. cheers. for
there is much to be done (okay?) before i leave (on a grande adventure)
that is north. that is north.

the porch, for one.

oh and i have been thinking about days lately. my favourite ones. and the macdougal street bar which keeps coming up and sprinting to market on new years and the words he spoke on the couch and hearing taylor that one night and holding allie on another. the german restaurant. the fireworks. and kiss. the moustache party. the womb. our porch. our friends. and to remember the greatest points in our lives.

la maison d'amour.

i've moved into a new house and,
it is really beautiful and,
you only really love azusa
because of the people.

and i really do love the people.
and, because of this,
i really do love azusa.

i practiced my french.
and drove in the rain.
and put boxes in corners.
and made couches for lovers.

it is happy here.
et tous les personnes
are all falling into the
right grooves. i feel.

i can feel people looking at me
and making traces of my lines.
my body, the words, eyelashes,
speech, fingertips et je deteste ca.
vraiment mais je suis confus aussi.

and he went back to the marina.
and we passed out in beds.
and i forget that i am right down
the street. and this makes me happy.

okay? this makes me happy.
i am in azusa, and this makes
me happy okay? okay.

more often, please

stupidity
MFA
box office
rockstar
the heart & soul of theatre
interpretive reading
workshop
ja
petite fille
spanish
shakespeare collected sonnets

i shall scoop up my ideas from the bottom

and i get mine today from AHOY!'s june 1st post.

for today i am thinking about:

yaoundé, cameroon
bananas
christmas lights
prison corruption
saving money
subscriber benefits
bangolan corn
apu theatre
bay of pigs
the wall of love
envelopes & stamps
coughing
little muhammed
family dinner
naked
mucha tattoos
brown couches
mackenzie, the indian princess
owl theme