cherokee summer skin

i am of an indistinguishable race.

i don't know what i am and often

don't know what i should be.

am i white? do i look it?

i have large, almond eyes and

flat eyelids. i have black, shiny

hair and large breasts that i hide

in an otherwise uncurvy figure.

am i hispanic? only according to

certain forms.

i don't look like a white girl.

it is most common for people

to assume i am half asian and

half mexican.

of which i am niether.

people have guessed romanian,

japanese, french, brazilian,

you name it someone has

labeled me as it and rarely do

they guess what i really am.

who i really am.

i am irish.

my irish grandmother

jean aloa o'scanlon taught

me how to boil cabbage and brew

spicy mustard for saint patrick.

she taught me how to fold my

hands in prayer like a good

catholic girl.

i am spanish.

my great-grandmother bonita

of spain, a black-haired, pale faced

beauty. a tender nurse in a white

dress. her pictures say i have her

eyes and her smile and i know

our laughs sound the same.

i am cherokee.

my cousin bobby has hair to his

chest, wrinkled dark skin and shows

me the smooth and sharp edges of

arrowheads he digs up from the earth.

his arms prove of his labor in the sun.

i am them and they are me and give me

dark, shiny hair and asian-like eyes

and fair skin that turns to copper in july.

i am proud to be these things and yet

why can't anyone see them?

i am proud to be these things and yet

why do i always seem to desire to

be "more white?"

why do i want to have light brown hair

and deeper set hazel eyes? why do i

want a thinner waist, a chiseled face

and sunken in cheeks? a long neck?

all the thing i scrutinize my body for

are ways for me to look more white.

they are ways to strip myself of my

heritage and my being, my identity.

my identity which i let people take

away from me. my identity which

i cover up in hair dye and eyeliner

and eyelash curlers and face

contouring bronzer.

but when i see pictures of my mother

and grandmothers, i smile, showing my

big cherry tomato cheeks. i proudly show

off my very spanish eyes that are so unique

no other white girl has them. i radiate my

cherokee summer skin. i let my dark dark

hair blow in the wind and decide that being

mislabeled is not a crime, i am a mystery.

i will enjoy the false guesses and feel kindred

to my japanese sisters. i will only dye my hair

because it feels summery, i will curl my eyelashes

just to be flirty. i will fold my hands in prayer,

just like my grandmother taught me. i will

remember my own and embrace everyone else

and know that pretty comes in more colors than

white.