ma visage

i'm frustrated and confused

and feeling frustrated at my face

(and my arms and my neck and my tummy)

at wanting a beautiful face

and why face really matters

why do our faces really matter?

i communicate with my face

people have to look at my face and when

they look at my face they perceive it to

be the essence of me

my face

and my mouth

and

the way that i speak the way that i

speak to people

paris and couches and michelle

i'm doing homework for what might possibly be the last time in a very long time. but i'm thinking about here and more specifically, here. i also thought about this. i met someone new from here. and now i'm just trying to think of stars and planets and space shuttles, trying to get everything done. grow up and be happy.

monday monday

*hollyweird showcase

*dutch apple streusel

*announcement

*self portrait

*gibran

*kitten

theatricality, living rooms & love

and many thanks to all my friends

i think she put it best, and i'll leave it at that.

http://renegadenun.blogspot.com/

come to my living room at 8 o'clock tonight

penny lane

where i'll end up, well i think, only god really knows

stevens

did it take long to find me?

i ask the faithful light

oh, did it take long to find me?

and, are you gonna stay the night?

-moonshadow

friday list and,

*summer skin

*listening to wilco

*astronomy

*middle part

*one year ago today

*18 months

*mixtapes

stars and tom petty

eighteen months and i have to do

homework to move forward.

i have to remember that play

to want to continue to move forward.

nighttime hours and grimy teeth

and a tummy ache and not being

focused and saying things like 'i wish.'

greasy hair in my face and your face

and my friends are all real great they're

all moving away. northern oregon and

colorado and new york city and some

are coming back from islands like

the united kingdom and catalina

gonna tell me about their trip.

she is in kathmandu with raindrops

and mats and babies that won't ever

eat, too skinny and pictures of stars

and studying the stars and its funny

i always think of her when i look at the

stars or hear tom petty on the radio.

ugly duckling ugly bug

i'm remembering summer adventures

and forgetting how to be a student.

twisting ends of shoulder length hair,

feelin' strange and not pretty and very

awkward and saying the wrong thing.

making lists and plans and looking at

new neighborhoods and gathering

information and getting up in the

morning to write, write, write.

feeling like a little ugly duckling or a

little ugly bug, just wandering, always.

talking things out with dee and staying

up late with the boys and laughing at

tv shows and making skits and inviting

people to do theater in my living room.

thinking about bathing suits and beer

and boyfriends and bridesmaid emails

and looking for dresses and heels and

hair clips. being distracted and happy

and then i have a sad sad stomach ache,

its all okay, i'll be okay. soon i'll live by a

park with a lake and i'm going to plant

a rose tree and put peach roses in a vase.

i promise.

monthly

>spoon

>hawthorne

>muscle

>penny lane

>1964 &

>1946

>children

>cepheus

mother

thinkin' 'bout maggie, maybe

corner

"kiss me and you will see how important i am."

..sylvia plath

my own box

blue asphalt at dusk,

white flowers blooming

across the street,

discussing film in the

garage and feminist

theory in the kitchen.

bell bottoms and velvet,

coffee-needing eyelids

and wine-searching lips.

and her hips.

jagged and daring, incidentally

baring; unhooked.

maybe there will never be

enough time and maybe we

are old enough now.

waking up everyday and putting

myself into my own box.

big ideas like new years

resolutions, brilliant and

positive and impossible and

so dreamy, so empowering, so

utterly dripping with something

there, something that's just there.

euphoric lenses of a one saturday night

we think we'll always remember,

always getting lost, always lost and

indistinguishable from the next.

your best friend gives you a wink

and a laugh, it's a beautiful memory

always getting lost, but not void of

meaning.

and what does it mean when

uncanny coincidences don't

turn out to determine a

remarkable fate?

one sweet dream

vendredi

+uwem akpan

+because

+parentheses

+cystic

+handwriting

+self portrait

+"you never can

tell with bees"

+mysterious

+seguiner

tennessee

june

trying to think of my own

stories, ones about

transit[ion]

reading winnie the pooh

and trying to read

even cowgirls get the blues

and all of a sudden,

summer hues.

kids voices echo in the street

and june might be a new

transition to meet, and

pink dresses on her

shoulders keep

in the upward steady

climb of the warm

weather outside.

and emails from boston

stephanie and providence

rachel, with ideas and

pictures and yes,

pretty girl, yes yes,

i tell them. my friends

are all getting married and i

don't always know how i feel

but its beautiful anyway,

and all the pretty dresses and

all the warm weather,

lemonade sipping,

yes, i do.