dukkha

part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time

rivers know the secret

i like geography best, he said, because your mountains and rivers know the secret.

pay no attention to boundaries.

via storypeople

happy

i'm craving cigarettes again,

but don't worry about me,

i'm tough, in fact,

i'm the strongest woman

you know.

not everything can be

peaceful and healing,

though i'd like them to be,

as someone hands me a

jagged novel in my fragile

state. stories of foster kids

and molestation;

things i can't handle.

prisons and shootings,

reminding me how good

i have it. reminding me of

people who live without

hope. i am no longer in

a steinbeck novel. i'd rather

have kerouacian prettiness,

some sort of gnarled beauty

feeling happy in the twisted

decay, art found in

unexpected places, chocolate

words always dripping.

but here the words are harsh

and beauty is deadly and i

stare at a bleak bleak

existence. and i'm reminded

of my own curse; one of genetics,

passed down through the

mother. a spiral of negativity

and depression, one that

casts lovers to the wayside

because no human has that

much patience. i lack the

ability to be happy and remain

there. a life filled with

"if only's"

if only i was in paris,

if only we lived in spain or

bali, if only our debt was

cancelled or we won the lottery.

and now i find myself,

under the low ceiling and

in an empty house, sitting

up with research of family

curses, determined

to dance in a field or burn

sage or pray for forty

days in order to break it.

willing to do anything for

the ability to find happy

and remain there.

androgyny

the marrow in your bones

"always learn poems by heart," she said. "they have to become the marrow in your bones. like fluoride in water, they'll make your soul impervious to the world's soft decay." - white oleander

and so, i shall begin this feat. and what better poem to start with than my favorite, t.s. eliot's the love song of j. alfred prufrock? cheers to me, and wish me luck.

whats in my head (these days): everyone has a story. and everyone's story is different. take everything with a grain of salt.

poetry and hums

“poetry and hums aren't things which you get,

they're things which get you. and all you can do

is go where they can find you.” -winnie the pooh

dogcat love

what is that luminous rain i see all around you in the future? ..hafiz

hafiz in the mornings

i've been reading hafiz in the mornings

and letting my hair get very tangled

and when i get to my fiftieth poem i

wonder, how many poems in a day?

there are no limits.

because a poem is in our breath

and in our food

its in our walk

and our wrinkles

its in our toes

and underneath our fingernails

its in the occilating fan

and in the shadow of leaves on

the window screen

its in the linear silence of a room

and in the screams of children

its in the flutter of book pages

being passed through anxious hands

and the push on closed eyelids

when sadness comes rushing in

its in the refreshed afternoon sun

after taking all morning to get up.

a poem stays with you;

when you need it

it's there.

and all these poems are just poems

unfinished of something someone

somewhere wanted to say,

they are the whisper of a

heartbeat and with my

heart i keep them

to keep beating

and breathing and

to keep moving forward.

your seed pouch

lanterns

hang from the night sky

so that your eye might draw

one more image of love upon your silk canvas

before sleep.

words from him have reached you

and tilled a golden field inside.

when all your desires are distilled

you will cast just two votes:

to love more,

and be happy.

take the sounds from the mouth-flute of hafiz

and mix them into your seed pouch.

and when the moon says,

"it is time to plant,"

why not dance,

dance and

sing?

-hafiz of persia

the poetry series no. 1

created by taylor hamlett, shawn morones and yours truly.

spread the love.

tryin' to get back to my roots

is it better to burn out? or fade away?

i'm waiting for my copy to come in the mail, but until then, youtube clips suffice the addiction. love this movie.

listening

if only my thoughts might lift

out of my head and, like you

said, reach out and touch yours

and then we'd have a moment.

and maybe it's true.

but for now i think about

mackenzie's book out of solitude

and this book my dad gave

me about marriage and how

i'm going to see mariah on

tuesday.

and each good moment is a gift

and each bad one is a lesson.

and each day is made of moments

to either relish in or simply get

through.

and i have a word i wrote above

my bed that just says learn.

and it reminds me that age

does not matter, success does

not matter and neither do the

lines on my face or what type

of job i have or what kind of

money i do not.

all of these moment that are

good or bad are learning

moments and i get better

from each of them. i get better

by making decisions and living

with them. i get better by

reading and breathing and

cooking and walking and

listening. i get better especially

by listening. i get better by

being sad and knowing what

it is to be a human. i get better

by hearing my parents because

they have lived longer than me.

i'll be better not just when i

am happy but when i

know i have learned.

and when i can see that

my wings have grown and our

thoughts can touch each other

in a moment.

joni

i swear she's been calling me to the canyon

tomorrow will be a happy sort of day

hamlet curse

i must ask

please be nice

because

i'm fragile

plagued by a

hamlet curse

for the last

long while

a curse of

inaction and

indecision and

now

choices and changes

so sudden

and rash

and things whirling

around my self

and suddenly

alone

and far away

and pain

i wish flying

away could be

some sort of

cure but all

things haunt you

wherever you go

and i have this

tiny hope

i have some little

thing in the back

of my mind

and it helps

me to get up

each day

i miss

so many things

i must ask

please be nice

and please

don't love

someone new

the definitions of...

strength
-noun
1. moral power, firmness, courage

2. something or someone that gives one strength is a source of power or encouragement

soon

-adverb

1. within a short period of this or that time, event, etc

2. before long; in the near future; at an early date

3. promptly or quickly

in my room

(i believe in the sun when it is not shining, love when i am alone and god when he is silent)

coming soon

keep your eyes open for a collaborative project soon to make an appearance. i had the pleasure of working with my lovely boyfriend, shawn and my dear friend taylor to make a little film art featuring some of my words. a dream team of artists in my humble opinion. also, be on the lookout for a new blog i'll be heading up in addition to this one, which will also be a collaborative effort, with a host of talented and intelligent authors addressing the theme of gender issues. you won't want to miss it. in fact, if anyone wants to throw some blog title ideas my direction, i would appreciate it.

tonight is my last night in this town as a (semi) resident. i've been vagabonding for a while and soon to be headed north. it will be an adventure. all of life really is, isn't it?

so much love. au revoir.

shores of england

i'd live here gladly with you

jane doe