just me and my suitcase,

a woman's gotta do, what a woman's gotta do.

non, pas rewombion pour moi

i'm usually the one who is true to my word.
i'm usually the one who does what she says
and fulfills her promise. punctual.
(oh, not today)

they drove away, and i, i had to stay here.
and. i chose to stay here. and.
it is killing me.

oh heavens, i thank ye recession.
for doling out fine hits that burn
the throat and the heart, too.
throwing us into choices, and making
us absent for the real, good, important
places. people. hearts. oh,

how the weekends start to change,
(some days) when you are getting
older. and braver. because braver
is not always braver like you think.

but brave can be staying here.
when you want to leave.

brave can be writing a check.
when you don't have the means.

brave can be responsibility.
when you want to be free.

brave, to me, is lots of things.
its hard, oh so hard to be brave.

a dream

it's like it's news or something

i just think god is confusing. ("god! you are confusing!") i just think people are confusing god and me. on purpose. at work today, i stood behind the bar and said to myself "what if we got really busy today?" and then we did. on any old run of the mill tuesday. this was nice since i need extra money this month and went on vacation last week. but i don't know whether i prayed for a busy lunch shift or it was the power of the human mind..some determination and fate. an answered prayer? or the stars aligning? is there a god? yes. but not the god you and i think of. one outside something any human could wrap their mind around. oh now, i need to sit down, it's all too much.

in other news, heather busse's wordpress page is now available under "never yawn...". it's called evening pages. it's rather wonderful. she's a talented writer and is heading to london in the fall for grad school.

i just got back on sunday from a road trip with shawn and attending my brother's wedding. we hopped from big sur to the winchester mystery house to bar hopping in san francisco to lounging poolside at my parents house to a ceremony in the forest and getting in some really overdue quality time with my crazy family.

poetry and the sort has been running a little dry. its move in/move out time so my priorities are filing old papers, painting scribbles on my wall and working any extra job to come up with rent+deposit. the time will come soon enough for alone time and writing.

til then, adieu.

i wandered

on balmy seas and pernie schooners


"if i'm gonna travel the coasts, i'm
going down to the coast i covet."

1001 rules for my unborn son

carrie helped me find this.
i especially appreciate numbers:

78, 111, 200, 229, 233, 241,
245 & 308 - 310


"every time i see and adult on a bicycle, i no longer despair for the future of the human race."
- h.g. wells

for me, for you

i'm just trying to write things down.
whatever happens, happens.